i dont know why being alone gets me down so much. i mean, it isnt like it is unusual. even when im dating someone, i feel alone. i usually blame that on them for being self absorbed and not as caring as i tend to be. i dont know why i feel the need to give so much of myself away.

everything is good right now. im happy to be home. i missed my sister. we have been having a fantastic time. then i check the board and my email and i want to cry. never any good news, always bad bad bad. i need to do something about this. i have never hated myself as much as i do right now. i wouldnt want me, how can i expect anyone else to?

gah. i need to get away from the computer. i need a dog. i need to stop thinking that a boy could like me...hope is so not a good thing.

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